“None of you is special.
You are not special.
You are not exceptional.”
David McCullough, teacher, addressing Wellesley High School graduates
June 2012
This admonition comes as a sobering comeuppance for all of us raised in a virtual Prairie Home Companion universe “ … where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.” [Garrison Keillor]
The worst part is that we are advertently and unapologetically lulled into thinking “the world is our oyster” by life, itself:
We come into the world under extremely artificial circumstances, sheltered on all sides, above and below from all the vicissitudes of life. We immediately become the center of doting attention from parents and extended family. By around age 1, we learn to walk by ourselves. Whoa! By age 2, we learn to control the external world with the word “No!”, not to mention the effectiveness of whining and tantrums. From ages 5 through 18, we are automatically advanced in school – with gratuitous grade inflation along the way. With plenty of food in-sourced from all over the planet, we grow bigger, stronger and our bodies mature. By age 16, we’re deemed of age to drive an automobile. By age 18, we’re deemed sufficiently matriculated to graduate high school. And at age 21 – official “drinking age”, we are declared independent adults … “Captains of our own Destiny” … answerable only to the beat of our own drum. Wow! Is life wonderful, or what!?!
By the time reality sets in, the stakes have reached just short of unmanageable heights – if we’re lucky.
“There’s an important gap between illusion and reality.
It’s only a matter of time until reality takes over.”
John Bogle
Here’s how it’s supposed to work:
Society invests in our wellbeing to a point of providing everything we need or could want at the outset. This investment (amounting to more than $300,000 by age 18) is not because we’re “Special”. The purpose of this investment is to get us as completely and productively to a point of independence as possible. With time, the societal investment decreases and we are expected to pick up the slack … which we do with great umbrage and recalcitrance.
With the imposition of such untenable expectations, the unperturbed moment becomes our sanctuary, over which we deign to exercise absolute sovereignty. “Free time” is ours for the making and taking, because …, well …, because it’s one of the few things, overall, that we can declare is truly OURS!
Which brings us to the second troubling truth: Unscheduled time is not now and never was, in fact, “Free Time”. Unscheduled time is the best opportunity we will ever have to invest in our own wellbeing.
“Time is God’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.”
(Source Unknown)
Blow that opportunity and we can kiss our fondest Dreams goodbye.
The final correlative hidden truth here is that the stakes keep getting higher. There are no parking lots. There is no “arrival terminal”. We are expected not only to carry our own weight (self-coaching) with progressively increasing responsibility, but to contribute back toward the societal investment required for succeeding generations … keeping in mind that there’s a stiff thermodynamic tax off the top of whatever we put in, not counting Murphy’s Law, missteps, misfortunes or whatever Fate has in store along the way.
So Life’s Tough! And it’s particularly so if we insist on carrying forward our own unfounded assumptions and unrealistic expectations acquired early in the going.
“The way most of us prepare for life is akin to packing shorts and a T-shirt
for what is more like a polar expedition.”
Poster at Quartermaster’s Headquarters
The good news is that thousands of generations have survived life’s vicissitudes, and countless individuals have, in fact, thrived, despite both the odds and the challenges. And, while toughness can be learned and acquired as necessary, the real substance of success is simply raising our sights and selves above an artificial dependence on societal subsidies to become all that we CAN be. Life does not require more of us than we can deliver. Quartermaster
“There is only so much you can do, but you have to do that much.”
Garrison Keillor, on Prairie Home Companion
