Except for a relatively small number of misanthropes, humans are social beings who seek affirmation, authentication and legitimization from others. We like being “Special” … we love being loved.
We also seek out BEAUTY in each other and want to associate most with those who are most attractive … however we define it … as long as WE are included in that circle.
However, most of us have one or more “Achilles Heels” of imperfection which we try to hide or for which we try to compensate in some way to make ourselves more attractive … more “associable”. We’d love to have “knock-out” attraction! The evidence is unassailable:
Annual revenue of the cosmetics industry in 2017 was just short of $57 billion.
https://www.statisticbrain.com/cosmetic-industry-statistics/
This does not include cosmetic surgery, cosmetic dentistry, manicures, pedicures and other “procedures” or unfathomable “beautification” dollars accrued by the fashion industry or nutriceuticals or weight-management programs, never mind hair care.
Forbes estimates the earnings from all sources of “beauty industry” engagement, including “cottage industry” involvement of mom-and-pop businesses, to be $445 billion and growing! (How many Mary Kay entrepreneurs do you know personally?)
So “beauty” – more generally “attractiveness” – is a BIG DEAL!
But what about those of us who are “ugly ducklings” and “sow’s ears” and who don’t happen to have our share of $445 billion lying around to help move ourselves into the “IN Crowd”?
The book Wonder by R.J. Palacio is a good reference here.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11387515-wonder
NOTE: Social media has overwhelmingly exacerbated the problem – or the opportunity, depending how you look at it!
Beauty aside, the “flip-side” of attraction is the tendency to see unfamiliar others as “threatening”. This tendency arises from evolved tribalism … from the inclination to “stick to one’s own kind” where we find the greatest security in family and close friends to the exclusion of others. In fact, “tribalism” tends to maintain itself through constant reinforcement of the threat from outside “others”. This tendency is currently – and very effectively – driving extreme political polarization.
At some point, our definition of “beauty” has to be reconciled with the fact that cosmetics and the unconditional love found in tribal associations won’t take us the full distance to our most coveted and sustainable Destiny – certainly a growing challenge in an expanding global universe. Beauty and unconditional love may open doors, but neither has the required gravitas of durable grounding.
Did you ever pause to wonder why some of the most “beautiful” people are married to some of the most “plain” or “ordinary” individuals – MARRIED, indeed!? Yes, some cases may merely be contrivances involving money, “station”, or influence. But there is often an unseen attraction – a “hidden beauty” involved that is much stronger than skin-deep infatuation.
So where do we turn to make ourselves more attractive to significant others if we don’t fit the standard “mold” of socially-defined beauty and can’t make it so by contrivances and machinations?
The first suggestion is to become useful! Become a notable problem-solver and a true difference-maker and you will find more than a fair share of attention from folks who matter.
Other currencies of “beauty” – in addition to rock-solid competence – that hold potable water include:
Respect … Generosity … Self-Confidence … Discipline … Being a “Go To Person” … Humility … Befriending the Less Fortunate … Sense of Humor / Being able to laugh at yourself and your own foibles … Not Blaming Others … Doing Your Homework / Being Prepared … Being Accountable … Being Trustworthy … Sharing … Caring … Being Non-Threatening … Being “Interesting” / Adventurous / Balanced / Knowledgeable / Curious / A “Seeker” / A “Fighter” … for Justice, Fairness, Equal Opportunity
Find the beauty in science, and science will reveal its secrets!
Find the beauty in medicine, and medicine will doubly reward you!
Find the beauty in literature, and literature will give you enlightenment!
NOTE: “Inner beauty” is inextricably associated with and derives its legitimacy from “being comfortable in one’s own skin” … having a clear understanding of “who we are” and where we are going … with some reasonable level of confidence that we can get there. Having the light from a Dream or Goal or Purpose or Mission that is larger than us shine through the prism of our core being creates unique and incomparable beauty.
“Beauty is when [you know ‘who you are’ and] you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself [ — your entire ‘identity’], that’s when you’re most beautiful.” Zoe Kravitz
“People are like stained – glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
“I think every person has their own identity and beauty. Everyone being different is what is really beautiful. If we were all the same, it would be boring.” Tila Tequila
“True beauty is in the music that you and the universe make together. The more your instrumentation is integrated into and in tune with the symphonic vibes of the universe, the truer and more vibrant your beauty will become.” P. Questmaster
