What if the main reason we become unhappy is that we have unrealistic expectations?
While mowing the lawn last weekend, I became aware of a neighbor’s child crying – actually on the verge of a tantrum. I couldn’t help thinking how unfortunate it is that children can’t and don’t yet understand how life works and can’t comprehend delayed gratification … not being the constant center of attention … or having to take some responsibility for their own welfare and wellbeing.
But maybe we never completely outgrow the state of at least hoping, if not expecting, life to be much smoother and more to our liking over the long haul than it really is. I’m struck by the unhappy messages permeating Blues and country-western songs. For example:
“San Francisco Bay Blues” [by Jesse Fuller]
“I got those Blues where my baby left me down by the ‘Frisco Bay.
An ocean liner came and took her away.
I didn’t mean to treat her so bad;
She was the best girl I ever had.
She said ‘Goodbye’; she made me cry;
She made me wanna lay down my head and die.
I ain’t got a nickel an’ I ain’t got a lousy dime.
If she don’t come back, I think I’m gonna lose my mind.
If she ever comes back to stay, it’s gonna be another brand new day …
Walkin’ with my baby down by the San Francisco Bay ..
Walkin’ with my baby down by the San Francisco Bay.”
OK, how about let’s get real? With background revelations like “treating her so bad” and “I ain’t got a nickel an’ I ain’t got a lousy dime”, one has to ask:
What in the world could one rightfully expect “the best girl I ever had” to do?
- C’mon, man, let’s own up here!
- How much personal equity are you putting into this relationship?
- And what kind of a “Catch” are you, anyway?
Then there’s
“I can’t give you anything but love, baby.
That’s the one and only thing I’ve plenty of, baby.”
Jimmy Mc Hugh & Dorothy Fields
In the words of Charles Barkley: “Is that all you got!?!”
Empty pockets, poor prospects and pandering promises don’t fly very high, very far, very long.
Points to Ponder:
You want love? Make yourself LOVEABLE!
You want respect? Make yourself RESPECTABLE!
You want a job? Make yourself EMPLOYABLE!
You want happiness? Surprise somebody!
Make OTHER people happy – and do it generously and often!
Of course, misfortunes and tragedies happen, so there are plenty of legitimate reasons for sadness / unhappiness out and about in the world. But we don’t need to contribute to the condition by perpetuating a “downer” attitude and unrealistic expectations. Go figure:
- If you don’t change the oil in your car, the engine is eventually going to burn out
- Every 20-30 years, the roof on your house needs to be replaced
- Taxes are part of civilized life; pay up – and don’t have a hissy fit!
Our inclination toward immediate gratification, superimposed on a background of small-pond attitudes, dreams and dependencies, unfounded assumptions and unrealistic expectations – not to mention fantasies – sets us up for perpetual unhappiness and rude awakenings.
What if we had NO expectations … except that life was going to require everything we’ve got in order to get everything we deserve? Then anything that didn’t completely fall apart when we touched it would be a cause for celebration!
“Man with no expectation but Big Dream in motion happy camper.” [Something Confucius or Geronimo might have said]
Motivational experts tell us to expect good things to happen. However, this assumes we’ll take every opportunity on OUR part to MAKE them happen.
Final Points to Ponder
Staying busy piling up capital and credits for
LOVEABLE, RESPECTABLE, EMPLOYABLE …
… and everything else on the wants, needs and Dreams list …
will keep us from brooding about whether we’re happy or not.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
A long view helps immeasurably.
Even large hurdles and major setbacks can be overcome
with time, dogged persistence
and an attitude of eventual surmountability.
Zig Ziglar used to tell about the incorrigible optimist sent to dismantle a pile of manure. Putting shovel to pile, he gleefully exclaimed: “There’s gotta be a pony here somewhere!”
Keep a “shovel-ready” Dream alive, expect to deal with a lot of manure, and keep shoveling!
